What do you do when your client confides that she is strengthened by the prayers of others and looks to you to pray with and for her? Another client doesn’t want to access a certain course of treatment for his disease until he has spoken to his religious community about it. Still another is not sure that she wants to learn meditation to help reduce her anxiety because she believes it conflicts with her Christian beliefs. As a therapist you are now thrust into the area of spirituality. To ignore your client’s confidences undermines the therapeutic alliance you have sought to build, but lack of knowledge about their beliefs may leave you feeling ill equipped to help them explore the thought processes that inform their decision making. For many therapists this becomes an uncomfortable reality.
This lack of comfort may come from many places. It may be due to personal beliefs that preclude delving into spiritual matters. It may come from your own belief that spirituality is a personal private thing, not to be analyzed or explored by others. It may originate from hostile feelings towards any transcendent reality and the organizations that support it. Or you may be deeply committed to a spiritual viewpoint that is not inclusive of all spiritual viewpoints. What ever your personal belief system, it is important to note that in the course of dealing with clients and their crisis, issues and diagnosis, spirituality will inevitably rear it’s head. Accept it as a reality, maybe not yours, but a reality never the less that must be addressed with the client, if you are to be able to help them in resolving the issues that have brought them to you.
If you are not comfortable with spiritual topics in the therapeutic relationship, here are some basic ways you can work through your discomfort.
1. Remind yourself that this issue is important to your client. You don’t have to be proficient in their belief systems to acknowledge its importance to the client. Something as simple as “It would seem that you place a great deal of value in the prayers of other’s for you.” Or “What does it mean to you to know that you are being prayed for?” These responses can be ways of acknowledging another’s spirituality without implying that you share their views or are even in support of them.
2. Adopt the attitude of a student. Many clients who have strongly held spiritual beliefs are open about sharing them if they feel the listener is open to hearing in an impartial manner. Prefacing your questions by informing the client of your goal, which is to better your understanding of their values may make it easier. Something such as “I would like to understand what views you hold about meditating that are so disturbing to your strongly held Christian beliefs, could you tell me more?”
3. Do a personal spiritual assessment. Understand what your spiritual perspective is and what your concept of God is. Be honest with yourself about whatever biases you may hold regarding individual spiritual communities. As famous author James Baldwin stated “A child cannot be taught by anyone who despises him, and a child cannot afford to be fooled”. Our client’s though not children, come to us with childlike trust. If we harbor beliefs that reveal contempt for their spirituality then it will be difficult, if not impossible to teach them new skills or to assist them in developing more healthy ways of approaching the conflicts in their lives.
4. If you find that you hold a spiritual belief or value that directly conflicts with one of your client’s ( i.e. He believes that only those who believe that Jesus is God are true Christians, and you believe that Jesus was a prophet, but not God, and feel you are a Christian or visa versa), you may find that your client’s viewpoint is offensive. Remember that the therapy is not about your beliefs as much as about helping the client use what in his belief structure that can assist him. That may be a good time to ask him “How does having your belief give you hope?” Keep the focus on your client. You don’t need to educate him about what you believe to be errors in his doctrine or theology. You don’t need to debate or go in to an eschatological discussion.
5. Some harmful faith traditions or doctrines can also be discovered when a spiritual discussion is engaged in. For this reason, many therapist fear that speaking about spiritual matters may open a Pandora’s Box of information that they will be forced to address or act upon. You need to define harmful. From a legal standpoint it is clearly defined for you by the laws of your state. You need to be familiar with those laws (i.e. a religious belief that supports sexual contact with minors is in opposition to the laws of this country and to the moral code of most communities. Your mandate is to act in the best interest of the minor, if you become aware that sexual activity with a minor is happening. If you don’t believe it is occurring but are still troubled that your client sees no problem with it, you need to assess whether the issue is salient to the issue that brought them into counseling. Remember therapy is not an evangelistic exercise. It may just be enough to remind a client of the laws of the state and your obligation to those laws. They may chose to stop seeing you as a result, or may value your honesty about this and chose to stay focused on the salient issues at hand. Less obvious harmful beliefs can also be recognized if the therapist listens closely. A spiritual viewpoint that hold’s God as primarily a punisher of people who are doing wrong, may be a factor in the extreme guilt and feelings of hopelessness experienced by a client. It is at that time that the therapist must be able to stretch themselves and join the client on a discovery for a more loving image of their deity. Remember there are happy and depressed people of every religion and denomination. There is not a religious perspective known that shields it’s adherents from suffering. It is important that the client and therapist both discover what aspect of this faith system also allows for client to receive health and resolution of their problems. This may not be the best solution that you can prescribe, but as a therapist it is important that you entertain it with your client. You may also want to present to them some helpful suggestions that move outside their faith, but are not in opposition to their beliefs and spiritual practices. Ultimately the client is seeking to survive and live a better life, that’s why they are working in this therapeutic relationship with you. Thrust your client to make a choice or decision that will ensure that they leave therapy better than when they first entered.
Remember to ignore or reject the client’s spiritual dimension is to limit your ability to effectively work with them. It is only by engaging in a discussion about the spiritual beliefs and practices of a client will the therapist be equipped to provide the most effective services to that client, in a manner that will be culturally sensitive.
Just as it is important to assess the spiritual beliefs of your client, it is important to understand your spiritual beliefs also. As a Christian counselor, I hold a very strong personal belief about Jesus and his role in the life of his followers. I am also evangelistic in my belief system, desiring that everyone I meet share this belief in Jesus because I believe in the salvation Jesus promises. My client’s however come to me from many differing religious perspectives. I have had Christian and non Christian clients, as well as client’s who deny any religious beliefs or are hostile to the idea of spirituality. The therapy session is not to be used as a setting to “preach” to my clients, but I believe that it can be evangelistic in the best way. As St Francis of Assisi said, “Preach the gospel at all times… if necessary use words.” A Christian’s counselor’s goal is not primarily to convert someone of their beliefs but to live out their beliefs in the presence of the other as they help the client work through their problems. A Christian Counselor’s witness is in their life and their commitment to help the client live a life that is consistent with the healthy values and teachings of Jesus.
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